Open Wound
by Klutzygirl33
Summary: Spoilers for the season seven premiere, "Ashes To Ashes". Claudia Joy's death hurts Emmalin the most during important moments in her life.


**Disclaimer**: I don't own Army Wives and never will. No copyright infringement intended.

**Warnings**: Mention of character death, miscarriage

**Author's Note**: I swear that it feels like the Holdens are cursed. Yes, the other families had had bad luck, but nowhere near as bad as them. Anyway, hope you enjoy!

* * *

A dark cloud of grief hangs over the Holden household in the months after Claudia Joy's death. Michael's by himself most of the time since Emmalin's off to college, but Denise, Joan and Roland, and Jackie – along with others in the FRG – stop by occasionally so he isn't lonely. It helps a little, but not much. It gets better when Emmalin returns home from college for summer break, but unfortunately, the two drown in their grief together. By the middle of July, Denise has had enough and stages an intervention.

"I know you two miss Claudia Joy – believe me, I miss her, too – but you two can't keep doing this to yourselves. Michael, do you realize the only time you leave the house is when you have to work? Emmalin, you've stopped going out with your friends. This isn't healthy. You're only hurting yourselves, and Claudia Joy wouldn't want this." Denise worriedly eyes them both and hopes she hasn't overstepped her bounds.

Michael smiles nervously at her. "It's a lot to deal with." His wife's numerous medical issues had not prepared him to do with her loss. Amanda's death had been devastating and to hit with Claudia Joy's just a few years later was crippling. He was thankful he and Emmalin had each other, otherwise he had no clue how he would have gotten through this.

"I know it is. And nobody says there's a right or wrong way to grief, but shutting yourselves in like this isn't good for either of you. Get out for a little while and go enjoy something. It'll make you feel guilty later, but at least you did something that made you happy for a little while." Denise hugs them both and then leaves to go back home.

Michael and Emmalin decide to listen to her and both go on separate outings – Michael to a bar and Emmalin to the movies with her friends. They both end up enjoying themselves, which is nice, but Denise is right – The guilt settles in later about doing something that made them both happy.

At the end of August, Michael is asked out on a date and after a lot of debate with himself (and Denise, Frank, and Roland), he accepts. This infuriates Emmalin.

"How could you do that to Mom? You're cheating on her with some random young girl!" She's aware that she's most likely overreacting, but Emmalin doesn't give a shit.

Michael sighs. "Emmalin, I'm not cheating on your mother. She's dead. She's never coming back. And I know she'd want us to be happy. And it's just a date. It's not going to turn into anything serious. I'm not ready for that." He's barely stable enough to go on this date in the first place.

She refuses to back down. "You just want to fuck her, don't you? You want sex? Well go fuck yourself then!" Emmalin never does anything like this, but she's grabbed onto her anger and refuses to let go. Lashing out is easiest than crying.

Michael is appalled at her behavior. "Emmalin Jane Holden, don't you ever speak to me like that again! I am your father and I will not tolerate you disrespecting me like this again. Now I understand you're upset, but that is no excuse. I told you that I am going on one date with this woman. I'm nowhere near ready to have sex with anyone, so get that thought of your head immediately."

"Fine!" Emmalin bolts away and rushes to her bedroom, slamming the door.

Michael does end up going on his date and he has a good time, but it was too soon. He doesn't regret his decision, but it makes him miss Claudia Joy a lot again.

As the months go by, it gets easier and the grief lessens, but Michael and Emmalin are still struggling anyway. Right before winter break, Emmalin ends up meeting Drew Parker. They hit it off immediately and start dating. By the second date, she _knows_ – Emmalin is going to marry this man because he's the right person for her.

"He's it, Denise. He's the one," Emmalin raves to Denise when they meet for lunch right before she heads back to school.

Denise beams at her. "I'm glad you found somebody, sweetie. I hope we get to meet him soon." She just wants Emmalin (and Michael) to be happy so she's rooting for this relationship to last.

In March, Drew decides to tell Emmalin how he feels about her. "I love you, Em. I want to be with you for as long as we can." Emmalin has refused to let him promise they'll be together forever – She's been burned by Amanda and Claudia Joy's deaths and doesn't really believe in the concept anymore.

She grins and then leans up to kiss him. "I love you too, Drew." She snuggles in next to him on the couch and turns on the TV to watch a movie.

The day Emmalin graduates from college, she's an emotional mess. The whole celebration just makes her miss her mother more and so she has to retreat into her bedroom for a few minutes just so she doesn't have to deal with everyone's well-wishes. She can't handle it or she's going to scream (She does so into her pillow to muffle them when she goes to bed that night).

The next day, Drew surprises her when he gets down one knee. Although they've been talking marriage, Emmalin is still surprised and gasps. "Oh my God."

"I told you that I want to be with you for as long as we can. I know we're young, but we can make this work. Marry me?"

She nods and holds out her ring finger. "Yes!" She feels another pang of hurt at the fact that her mother and sister aren't here to be excited for her, but she struggles to push that away as they go to tell her father their good and exciting news.

Michael hugs them both and can't stop smiling even through his tears. "I know your mother would be excited for you. She left you a letter for this day, just in case." He whipped out an envelope and handed it to his daughter.

Emmalin goes off by herself to read it and she won't divulge the contents, but it does make her feel better. Claudia Joy always knew exactly what to say, and this letter helps her to deal with the grief some more. It still hurts that her entire family couldn't physically be there to help them celebrate. She's not sure how Amanda would feel about Drew, but she knows that her mother would have loved him.

Emmalin and Drew set the date for their wedding relatively quickly and soon go into preparing mode while also dealing with the jobs situation. Emmalin finds one almost immediately and is hired, but it takes Drew a while. By the time summer hits – and their wedding is close – he finally has been hired at a law firm (Emmalin is aware of the irony in marrying a lawyer, but she goes off on anyone who mentions it).

The sun is out on August 18th, the day of Emmalin and Drew's wedding. Both take it as a good sign. Meanwhile, her mother's friends are helping Emmalin get ready and she can never express her gratitude for how much they've supported her since Claudia Joy's death.

"You look beautiful, Emmalin." Roxy LeBlanc wishes Claudia Joy could be here for this, and she knows everyone – especially Michael and Emmalin – feels the exact same way. She doesn't mention the fact that she caught Emmalin crying last night because she was upset her mother and sister wouldn't be able to come. It's Emmalin's business and she deserves her privacy.

"Thank you." Emmalin is determined to be happy about her wedding day. She won't let missing her mother and sister ruin this important day so she allowed herself to cry last night over missing them.

"Your dad told me to give you another letter from your mother." Joan hands it over and the women leave the room so Emmalin can read it in peace. She's crying (and her make-up is nearly ruined) when they return, but things only improve from there.

And two hours later, Emmalin Holden is now Emmalin Parker. The programs for the ceremony list both Claudia Joy and Amanda's names so they are not left out – It was an idea that Drew came up with since he wanted to include his late future mother-in-law and sister-in-law in the proceedings, and Emma hugged him for about ten minutes after he suggested it.

"I think that you have lived your life in a way that honors Claudia Joy. I know she'd want to be here for this, and I'm sorry she couldn't." Denise hugged the newlyweds and then went off to find Frank.

Two days after the wedding, Emmalin and Drew depart for their honeymoon in Europe. It lasts for two weeks and then they return home to enjoy their life as a married couple.

"You know, I feel like we should get a dog. I really want one," Emmalin murmurs to her husband one night after they finish eating dinner.

"I've always wanted one, but my parents kept saying no." Drew wouldn't mind getting a puppy.

"Same with my parents. We always moved around too much when I was younger. I'm in. But we should adopt from a shelter." She is absolutely going to insist on that and it is non-negotiable.

After six months of searching, they bring home a Lab puppy and name her Leia. She fits right in with the family.

Two years after they marry, Emmalin is nauseated staring at a positive pregnancy test. She and Drew have been talking about having a baby, but they wanted to wait until they were more established in their careers. This is a complete accident, something they didn't plan for. She knows her mother would have some words of wisdom right about now – That the best things in life were planned – but she's panicking too much to even think about that.

But after Drew gets home and reassures her that they can do this, that they can be parents and raise this baby as best as they can, Emmalin starts to get excited and be happy about it. She can't wait to be a mom.

Less than three weeks later she miscarries, and she just thinks that's par for the course in her life. Bad things keep piling up and she's getting sick of it. Emmalin and Drew are both devastated by the loss – They had been looking forward to having a baby – but they agree to stick to their original plan and wait to have kids. Emmalin really wishes she had her mother there to comfort her, though. It'd be easier to get through the miscarriage with her there.

Michael starts dating a great woman named Kathryn Michaelson right around this time, and Emmalin actually likes her. She thinks they're both a great fit, which is good in the long run – Michael and Kathryn later end up marrying. Emmalin adores her future stepmother and doesn't lash out at her father for dating like she has in the past. She just wants him to be happy now, and it's good that he's moved on.

Four years later, Emmalin bites her lip and tries not to cry tears of happiness as the doctor confirms she is in fact pregnant. She and Drew have been trying for the past five months to conceive and now it's finally happening. They're having a baby! "Thank you so much." She can't believe it's actually happening. They sometimes do miss the baby they never got to meet, but they've moved on from their loss (It's ironic that she still hasn't been able to move on from her mother dying). It contributed to their decision to start trying.

"You make me so happy, Em. I can't believe we're starting a family." Drew splays his hand over Emmalin's flat stomach (She is only six weeks along and they want to make sure she makes it past the first trimester, but they're still excited) and kisses her.

"Same here." She wants her mother again, but pushes the feelings of grief away. She is not going to let it dictate her life today. It's been a long time and she needs to start moving on. It's one step to healing, but Emmalin's not completely there yet.

Emmalin is six months pregnant when Drew's mother, Michelle, dies in a car accident. He and his siblings are absolutely devastated, and she wants to help she truly does, but the death is bringing up all kinds of issues for her. Issues that she had thought she had finally buried. Michelle's death is sudden like Claudia Joy and Amanda's, and it's hard to handle. She liked her mother-in-law and to be without her is a big blow. Michelle was giving her all kinds of advice about parenthood that she couldn't hear from her mother.

But Emmalin bucks up and decides that she needs to be strong for her husband. "I know how much you're hurting right now, and I am so fucking sorry. I'll be here whenever you need me."

A tearful Drew squeezes her hand and feels their unborn daughter kick beneath his palm. "Thank you for all your support. I don't know what I'd do without you." He's serious – He doesn't think he'd be able to get through this if Emmalin wasn't by his side.

Emmalin's just grateful that she can return the favor. Drew's always there for on the days (and nights) that the grief overwhelms her and she struggles to do much of anything. She's just paying him back now.

Three months later, the couple welcomes their first child, Claudia Michelle Parker. It was Drew's idea to name the newborn after their mothers, and Emmalin was so happy she cried herself to sleep the night he suggested it.

"She's perfect." Michael is the first to meet his granddaughter and he's in awe of her.

"Thanks, Dad. We think so too." Emmalin can't get enough of Claudia and she misses her mom more than ever, but she's doing a lot better than she used to on memorable days like this. Besides, she's way too happy to be sad. She's a mom now. It's an amazing feeling.

Michael kisses his daughter's forehead and then lightly grips Claudia's tiny little hand. He looks forward to spoiling her rotten and can't wait until mother and daughter are out of the hospital.

Emmalin and Drew welcome two more children – Holden Drew is born two years later and Joy Adeline follows five years after that (She was their surprise baby as the two thought they were done after Holden's birth, but nope).

When Michael dies less than seven months later after a short bout with cancer, Emmalin shuts down completely. She can't help it because her grief overwhelms her so much that she can't deal with it. Drew takes the kids over to his sister's house and vows to help his wife deal with this. He's a big help, and she's forever grateful to him later for never once leaving her when she needed him.

Although she has children, Emmalin has a hard time accepting the fact that she's the last Holden standing. It's a big shock to the system and something she has a hard time accepting. It brings back all the old issues she had after her sister and mother died, something she loathes with every fiber of her being.

But Michael's death also helps her to heal some more. After some prodding from Drew and Denise, Emmalin decides to go to therapy. She needs some help and she's not about to turn it down because she's stubborn.

Drew, Claudia, Holden, and Joy also lift her spirits and she loves them more for it. After another visit to Amanda's grave, Emmalin finally accepts that her father's dead and she's never going to see him it again.

Her family's deaths hurt and they haunt her for a long time, but she's finally able to move on with help from family, her mother's friends, and therapy. Moving on feels wonderful. Emmalin feels like a lot of weight has been lifted off her shoulders and she's able to live her life without worrying what her mother (or sister) would feel about each situation. It's a defining moment of her life.

Emmalin Parker is happy and she doesn't feel guilty about it for once.


End file.
